A girl with matches
by JJ9581
Summary: Carol had endured the impossible, the loss of a child. Now she almost killed another, can her wound ever be healed? The journey of carol peletier in an apocalyptic world.( okay, I wrote this in an hour right before a test. And I don't know how to edit it on fanfic so please be patient, I will try my best next time)- obviously unbetaed


" we are going to war" Rick announces, gazing at each and everyone of the group, as if dare anyone to object. Daryl shrugs and Glenn stares intently at their fearless leader.

After s moment, Carol shifts her foot and nods almost imperceptibly. Noting her reaction, the women all followed suit and Rick's shoulders slumped, a tiny bit of invisible weight off. Carol is uncomfortable and frightened. The air is tense enough to cut it with a butter knife. she was never good with confrontations or stressful conditions before or after the world had gone to shit. But she is now part of this group, this family and she had learned that she matters, what she say matters and as much as this decision of ricks worries her, she knows rick needs to know this family has his back. And so she provides.

"Y'all think this is going to end well? Some of you if not all are going to die a bloody death and for what, a pissing contest? C'mon, let's just ditch this place, fuck the governor and Woodbury. We will have better luck on the road. Squirrels and fishes, air of freedom" Merle chirps.

Of course, he is the only disagreeing voice. This is the problem with merle, he doesn't work well with others, doesn't understand that having a family backing you up is the only thing that can keep one alive in this world they live in now. but more than comradeship, a family is what they need to have the will to live. from what carol gathered, merle never had that and that is exactly why merle would never be able to fit into this family, no matter how desperately daryl wanted...But his argument does have certain merit.

As she ponders, Rick didn't quite appreciate the snarky comment. Merle might not have realized, but Rick is no longer the officer friendly that he once were. Recent tragedies and surviving in an apocalypse would have changed a weaker man into a ruthless savage.

" merle, you are not a welcoming guest here. The only reason you are here is because of your brother. Your opinion doesn't matter. So shut up before someone shuts it for you." Rick drawls. he is agitated. He is on edge, he is doubting. And he doesn't need this shit from anyone let alone fucking merle. " everyone gathers weapons. Glen and Maggie take guard duty. We will move and do some provision work before tomorrow" Rick gestures with an air of finality and stomps off.

The prison is silent aside from the footsteps echoing in the empty corridor, gradually fading. Carol looks around. Though trying very hard to not show it, everyone is scared. The Mother Nature in her aches to see such pain and insecurity among her family, what she wouldn't do to ease them away. She curls her fist impotently, she was not strong enough for her little Sophia and now can she protect this newfound family of hers? Is she capable...no, she silently chides herself and takes a deep breath. She can and she will. " everyone, lets grab something to eat, me and Beth made a killer can soup. We will need all the strength or little ass kicker would probably do better ass kicking than us tomorrow." Carol forces a cheerful smile. Rule number one of being a mother, be strong for your kids. " well, if that killer soup doesn't literally kill and not made by Maggie, I'm all in." Daryl adds. Obviously trying to do some tension breaking as she did. "I hope my soup can literally kill, then that would take care of the snake pretty easily." Maggie mutters and sherparding Beth and glen to the kitchen area, they sighed and followed her.

Daryl stands beside carol, a wide mixture of anger, regret and uneasiness crossed his face. carol reaches out and squeezes his elbow tentatively and offers a small smile when he starts a bit and looks at her. She held his gaze a little longer, hoping to convey her support and understanding until he nods his little nod and relaxes a bit. " let's go hunt some before it gets dark, merle. You gotta earn your feed here." Daryl hollers and merle, despite a distasteful sneer he throws at carol, wisely choose to followed his brother out.

Herschel hops over in his clutches and whispers" what do you think, carol?" his grey blue gaze land on the grim sky outside the prison, choices are always hard. Even for a man of faith like him. She thinks for a bit, " I don't like conflicts, especially with the walkers already on our backs...people are much more dangerous and unpredictable. We have already lost so much here... I hate to agree with merle, but it might be an option to consider to leave this place entirely. though seeing Rick and Glenn so bent on revenge, I'm not sure what is the best way to make them listen or if its the best way to resolve this situation" Herschel nods. " you are right. Whether or not there is going to be a war, no one should go into it half cocked like them. And Rick definitely needs to pull himself together before this turns for worse"

" is Rick still...seeing Lori?" Carol asks, after a few moment of silence. Herschel turns his gaze at her. No words need to be spoken, pain and uncertainty delivers its depth of concern. Carol closes her eyes, "It doesn't matter. Rick is a man of honor, he led us to safety and we are a family thanks to him. I would do anything and everything to have his back. If a war is what he needs to help him out of his stupor then we will fight..." She pauses for a second," But we will fight with level heads." Carol gestures and taps her temple with her thumb. Herschel looks at her, surprised. A sparkle of hope and determination lights her eyes,a plan slowly formulating. " what are you proposing" " ...Trojan horse" a shy smile tugs at the corner of her lips. Years of enduring Eds abuse had enabled her to be quite clever, to utilize anything to make up for her lack of physical strength. She is no warrior, but she is a strategist. And she will do anything to protect her family.

Several Streak of blood ran down her face, forcing carol to close her eyes to avoid their intrusion. She is dirty, tired but extremely happy and proud. Her plan had worked. Carol and Beth had delivered michoone to Woodbury and because of their obvious weak appearances did not alarm the muscles at Woodbury one bit. The rope they bind michoone had tricks that she herself can unbind. carol and beth took care of the watch guards not with blood and death, but womanly maneuver of compliment, flattery and a small favor of hot plate of food. Once michoone freed herself, joined them at the gate where she last saw the locked up walkers. They freed the walkers and tear gas, fire and gunshots ensue.

Several gunshots erupted around her, her vision blurred by the smoke and could only hastily pulled the trigger towards where her offenders are likely hiding. A scream of agony rung at a short distance away followed by a whimpering cry of pain, muffled by the sound of gunshots and people screaming in the background, but carol stood there, unable to look away from the tiny figure that lays limp in a man's arms, call it a mothers reflex, she could distinguish the cries of a child from miles away. And that was definitely a child fell at her gunpoint.

" no, no, NO!" She covers her mouth, disbelieving. There were...children in here and she just killed one...Someone's precious, someone's lovely child, someone's Sophia!

Rick and the others ran toward her, Beth tugging at her sleeves, urging her to depart. Their missions are accomplished, they need to go now. " carol!" Daryl is now at her side, crossbow steady in hand, checking on her, but she slapped his hands away unconsciously. Her eyes, her world zoomed in to one point in front of her and she ran towards it. She has to see it for herself, she needs to face her own sin and take on the guilt and pain that would surely follow and if she is not strong enough, then let the darkness take her because she deserves it.

Carol didn't realize that she had cried until she was at the little girls side, reached out a hand but was turned away by an ear-numbing slap on the face. She looked up at the man, eyes unable to focus on his features, only to slightly note the similarity between the child and the man. " don't you dare to touch her! You fucking shot my baby, I'm going to fucking kill you." The man growled, but couldn't put words into action for he is still holding his most precious in the world and how can he let go when his baby needs him the most. Daryl and Rick looked shocked at first, but both immediately enraged by the man's violence towards carol and were about to lung toward him before carol kneeled herself in between. " no, please don't. I...shot the child. It was my fault, I didn't see her. Oh god, what have I done?" She begs and her tears silenced everyone for her wailing cry was so desperate, so pained and full of regret and self loath even the man had turn and spared an unreadable glance her way.

" please, please...can I take a look at her? Just a look..maybe...maybe I can..we have a doctor...I...please?" Her knees are scraping the cement underneath , blood had slowly soaked through, but she doesn't even realize and didn't care a tiniest bit.

The man was silent and clenched his jaw. Carol took it as a yes though even if he didn't consent, she would have still reached out for the little girl despite a very likely act of violence to follow. Because she understands, she too lost a child. Her pale hand lightly padded the little girls face, traced the dirt and blood down to the neck and paused on the stomach where the bullet went through and the finger, still shaking, landed back on the pulse by the neck, waiting, for a...miracle. " Lord. I'm sorry I hadn't prayed since Sophia, but please show mercy on this little girl, for what you did not provide my little girl." 3 long seconds stretched like an eternity until that very faint lub-dub gives the slightest indication of a life struggling and fighting to stay alive.

" she...she is still alive. Please, let's get her help! Rick, is Herschel here?" Rick nods, looking slightly taken aback at her commanding tone. " do you know where the medical ward is here?" She ignores rick and turns back to the man. A flicker of hope follows by the confusion, " yeah...what...yes, wait, is Julie going to be okay?" As if being startled awake, the man pauses a moment and suddenly shakes her shoulders violently. " I found a pulse, we will do everything we can to save her, please let me help." " yeah, ok..ok...lets go!" He picks up the little girl and stood up. For the first time, carol saw him. A man of strong build and military stance, but what left in her memory of the man in that cloudy, grim fall afternoon, surrounded by blood and death, were two streams of tears fell from the emerald green eyes down through the dimples on the weary face into the collar of his white v neck shirt. A flicker of hope against utter desperation, a hope she had lost long ago. And she remembered this man until her life fell into forever darkness.


End file.
